The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly.

I completely fell off the wagon. And I have no excuse. I caved. And now I’m paying the consequences, of which, are substantial. Was it worth it? Not really. Will I do it again? Absolutely not.

It doesn’t really have that much to do with the amount of weight I may have gained on this bender, rather, the way that it made me feel, both physically and physiologically. Basically, despite the beautiful scenery, weather, and exclusive company of my husband, I felt like shit for six days straight. And it was all directly related to what I ate and drank.

That, I am certain.

My husband doesn’t understand this. I’m thoroughly convinced that unless you “fix” yourself, you never know how “broken” you actually are. I was broken, and in the past year, I fixed myself. Going back to old, unhealthy habits, even just for a few days, reveals this. For my husband, having a partner in crime makes him giddy. And I like him giddy. But, it made me miserable. I grinned…I beared it. But I hated it. And I regret it.

hollywood-sign

Most of it was the alcohol consumption. I am not young anymore. And I was “fixed”. Alcohol is not my friend. I have learned this one or two times in the last year when I tried to “keep up with the boys.” I cannot. And I should not. Our first day in Los Angeles was the best, because I didn’t drink. And I kept my LCHF protocol right through dinner.

My husband ready to party down.

My husband ready to party down.

But give me a drink, and suddenly I’m eating double, triple, what I would normally consume. It got ugly fast, and we were so consumed by the beauty and surroundings of Santa Barbara that we got sucked right in to “party” mode.

Thursday run in Santa Barbara

Thursday run in Santa Barbara

Amazingly, I awoke in rather good condition, and spotting the runners outside my window, I felt the need to run. I just had to get out into the clean, fresh, cool air and run it off. So I did. And it wasn’t until later, in the mid afternoon, that I began to feel like crap. I would never recover. The combination of driving up the Pacific Coastal Highway, the winding roads, the ever changing temperatures, and a belly full of the previous night’s bar hopping debauchery made for a bad combination.

goodbadugly

We arrived at our next stop, the elegant streets of Carmel, rather rattled from the treacherous drive. For my husband, it was just a trigger for him to calm his nerves with a drink. And he doesn’t like to drink alone. I held off for a bit, but soon found myself swept up in the “…C’mon. We’re on vacation” excuse which he used very liberally throughout the entire journey. He may as well have held a gun to my head. We bar hopped again and deeper and deeper I fell into a pit of debilitating despair and actual physical illness. Day 3 was the worst, because I felt so sick. Plus, we made a few wrong turns and ended up in some traffic and a few cities we should have just avoided.

San Andreas Fault Line

San Andreas Fault Line

This was the day, however, that we crossed over the San Andreas Fault, and sought out actual phyiscal evidence, which we found, and which thankfully was right on our path to San Francisco.

Fitbit stats from the week.

The Good: Fitbit stats from the week.

I might add, that through all of this, despite the hours we spent in the car, we did get out and do quite a bit of walking. We managed to, at the very least, get in our 10,000 steps, or roughly 4 miles, in each day. This was a bonus. It wasn’t a “sitting on our ass” kind of holiday. This may have saved my life.

I was whining so much after we arrived in San Francisco, my husband threatened that we just stay in for the night, which would have been more torturous than going out. So, I bucked up and got dressed for a night on the town. I’m glad I did, because we really did have a great time, but I still felt like crap and just managed to dig myself into a deeper hole as the evening progressed.

Walking up the hill from the Wharf.

Walking up the hill from the Wharf.

 

More Good: Fitbit flight stats.

More Good: Fitbit flight stats.

The next day promised a lot of walking (the hills of San Francisco), a new hotel, and a new neighborhood to bar hop. I was starting to wonder if I could really continue. My clothes (even my bra) was so tight at this point. And I was actually chafing in just my street clothes. Not only that, but my gums were so inflamed. My teeth hurt. It hurt to floss them. I have learned SO MUCH about inflammation on this trip. I swear, I could cure half of America right now of their woes. I wanted the trip to end as much as I didn’t want it to end.

Golden Gate #selfie

Golden Gate #selfie

By our last full day in California, I believe it began to weigh on my husband. After we explored the Golden Gate bridge and Sausalito, I could see it in his face. He was wiped, too. It just took him much longer than it did me. I just wanted the day to end, find our next hotel, and get it over with. Imagine my surprise when my husband insisted I find a hotel within walking distance of at least one bar, if not two. Ugh. Someone put me out of my misery.

Final California run.

Final California run.

Another few torturous hours, and I was finally free of the alcohol for what I hope will be forever. The final day began with another healing run, and a vow to detox immediately.  My husband was worried about us losing time on the way home, but I was so exhausted, I knew I would have no trouble falling asleep at 7pm west coast time or 9pm central time. I was done…cooked…fried…toast. And ugly, despite the good.

We did talk about how much fun we had and planned to repeat our adventure, perhaps in another city and state. But I did not share that it will not be the same for me. This was good, this was bad, this was ugly. I have learned a life lesson…but good.

It is great to be home. I missed my girls. I missed my dogs. I miss being in control. And it will be a long road to get back to where I was. But I’m prepared to rough it. I’ve got a long way to go.

 What is your take on vacations? Do you just let it all go, or do you try to stick with your program?

 

2 Responses to The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly.

  1. Michelle says:

    I’ve learned everything in moderation works best for me. Extreme dieting, extreme exercise, and extreme consumption of anything isn’t good for my body. So I allow myself a glass or two of wine sometimes, knowing I’ll run an extra mile or two the next day. This way you don’t get those crash and burn affects from a slight indulgence. I’m so sorry your trip wasn’t good. Sending big hugs.

  2. I’m with MIchelle…everything in moderation. I did indulge a little more on vacation…having a beer everyday with lunch and then 2 glasses of wine with dinner. We ate pretty healthy–lots of fresh fish but there was also ice cream and key lime pie…

    Still, I didn’t feel bad like you did. That sucks. But don’t beat yourself up about it…you’re human and face it, you had a good time! And that’s what it’s all about. Now it’s time to get back on track. It will take you no time at all. You’re a machine, Teresa! You got this!

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