Desperately Seeking Sanctuary

Ok. I’m dating myself here. Almost 40 years ago, there was a movie called “Logan’s Run”. It premiered in…gulp…1976, and it starred Michael York as Logan and Jenny Agutter (there was some nudity, if I remember correctly, thus rendering it with a PG rating). They were living in an overpopulated world where at 30 years of age, one was whisked off on Carrousel to an eternal life (death).

If you tried to escape Carrousel, you were killed. Kind of a no win situation, there. The twist was, Logan, who worked as a Carrousel escapee terminator, overheard about a place called “Sanctuary” where there was plenty of space, and one could live free beyond the age of 30. So, Logan, along with a fiery blond, run off hand in hand to seek “Sanctuary”. (The movie, by the way, was the first to use holography highlights in film, and won an Academy Award for Visual Effects.)

These days my posts are less and less about running and more and more about complaining. It really does suck being injured. And it sucks more when being injured means you can’t run. I need to find Sanctuary.

I have come to the conclusion that I am going through an intense withdrawal. I’m sad, depressed, and gaining weight despite the fact that I am closely monitoring my food intake. With every effort comes a wave of true (or imagined) exhaustion. Even Yoga is a struggle.

I know a lot of what I’m feeling has to do with stress (and peri-menopause). We’ve made some huge family decisions in the last two weeks. They are life changing and relieving, yet haunting all at the same time. And it is difficult to truly move forward until the decisions come to fruition. So, again…I’m spinning on this hamster wheel (Carrousel) waiting for a screw to come loose.

sad

The pain and discomfort in my lower left leg has morphed somewhat. Before, I could run, but the aftermath was difficult to digest. I had a lingering, uncomfortable sensation in that left lower leg. It would last at least a day or two, before settling back to normal. Now, I find it difficult to run, but I have no residual after affects. My PT says this is good. We are getting to the root of it. I, on the other hand, don’t believe it. The Graston sessions seem to be most effective. But they don’t last longer than a day or so. And I continue to do my prescribed exercises. I’m just not sure we are pinning the tail on the donkey…in the ass.

I notice that my running has become very forced. And I notice this because everything from the waist down feels spent. It is an odd physical exhaustion…like the kind you have after running a hard, long, race. I feel heavy and weighted down. The stress in my life right now doesn’t help. Plus, much of this likely comes with the added weight gain. If I could just drop the pounds…

But I realize I can’t drop the pounds unless I can run at my full potential. Hence, my dilemma.

My forced running changes my form. My form changes my gait. And before you know it, I’m hurting. Everywhere. And I don’t want to run anymore.

This saddens me to no end. I find it hard just to connect to the joy of running.

walls-keep-out-sadness-joy

I CAN walk, however, and I find this much more energizing at this point in time. Walking comes pain free, and I could walk for hours…if I had the time.

But, time is short. There is much to do. I need to rest in the knowledge that I can do something other than P90X or Yoga, which is great for building my muscle and stamina…but not so good at burning off the crazy or wringing out a great sweat. It will have to be walking and indoor cycling for the time being.

I see my PT on Friday and I plan to discuss all of this with her to see if there is any way I could change things up a bit. After that, I just have one more session in two weeks. Too distant in the future for me. It would be my last, so I understand why she is stretching it out a little. But I’d like to keep the weekly connection through July. I might beg her to get me a few more meetings from my orthopedic until we find the answer. I don’t think it is far off. But I don’t think we are that close, either.

I want to run Chicago. And, I want to run it well. I didn’t really get back into decent running form to train for Twin Cities last year until August. So I know that I have time. But time flies. And I want this to end.

Because I want to start running again.

setback

 

…and find Sanctuary. And a great comeback.

Tell me what you are training for now. How is it coming along? When is your event?

 

 

One Response to Desperately Seeking Sanctuary

  1. Kim Hatting says:

    Oh, let’s share a cup of coffee and discuss this! I’m not quite as burntout, but I want Sanctuary, too! I don’t know if you’d been following my blog (or FB page), but I have been doing PT (for hamstring tendonitis & piriformis crap)….and at mile 10 at a half 2 weeks ago, Plantar Fascitis decided to invite itself into my being. And I have a lot of races happening in June/July…UGH! I have stayed off it, and it feels much better….but I’m a little leery about what’s gonna happen this weekend (events Friday night, Saturday & Sunday morning). I have been biking a lot so my legs have not been idle, but I long for the good old days when I could just lace up and go without thinking about it. ((hugs to you))

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